Dear friends,
I wonder how you are and how your last couple of weeks have been?
Personally, I have been struggling a little, yet I have been helped so much by others here.
When I discovered Substack and made the decision to begin writing here I was absolutely full to the brim with enthusiasm, optimism, and hope. I was feeling relatively well at that stage (I live with some chronic pain) and planned out future weeks in my head based on what I hoped my ability would be – and everything seemed possible. But real life doesn’t always follow plans!
A couple of weeks ago I realised that instead of really looking forward to writing my next post as usual, I was feeling a pressure and slight sense of dread about doing so (dread only in that all my words seemed unimportant and I felt they wouldn’t be ‘right’, or worth writing at all). Anxiety settled over life like a mist. I had wanted to show up each week and then realised with a bit of a loud, mental thud that it just wouldn’t be possible.
The most important thing for me here is community – which means I want to read and interact mindfully and properly with each writer’s thoughts – I want to be able to give each one unhurried time so I can really ‘listen’, as if I was sitting down and actually having a coffee and a chat. This means I end up saving posts for when I have the myth of ‘enough time’ and then feel I am getting behind. The shared words and offerings of others’ thoughts to uplift and inspire can become instead something which creates that hint of overwhelm, because of my overthinking brain, and a genuine lack of time and ability.
In the end it was the words of people here in this online space which really helped me.
I found this post from
enormously calming:
I really encourage you to read the post if you haven't already because it has some wise words about finding the right rhythm of showing up here both as a reader and a writer. Charlene’s wisdom helped me consolidate the nagging realisation that a weekly schedule is too much for me at the moment, and after all there's no schedule that is the right one. Our schedule has to be the right one for us, whether we are writing our own words or reading those of others. It’s also important that we give ourselves permission to alter our plans in different seasons of energy and focus.
also helped me to feel much less alone in my lack of energy in this sincere post:
I’m really grateful she was brave enough to share so honestly how she was feeling. Also its always good to see photos of her cat!
So now I am into a new week, very busy but feeling calmer, and I’ve had a bit of time to reflect on how my days are looking. And I can see clearly that I have let a few basics of some of my ‘non-negotiable’ things slip.
These are the things which I’ve discovered are essential to give me a baseline of physically and mentally getting through life well. They don’t fix problems or take away struggles – but they give me a bit more health and resilience to take into my days. They will be different for us all and will change as time passes – and just because I’ve labelled them as ‘essential and non-negotiable’ doesn’t mean I haven’t let them slip a little, or a lot.
AGAIN.
How about you? Do you know what yours are, and are you managing to keep up with them?
Mine include going to bed and getting up a little earlier; eating better (mainly less sugar); a morning coffee or two (this one I never let slip!); a time to focus on prayer, and a time for gentle stretching and yoga – even for a few minutes. Although I’m usually fairly good at including these in my morning routine – my mind mostly runs a script at the same time of: ‘Must-Get-Done-ALL-THE-THINGS’.
I never get done All The Things. Nobody can do All The Things, unless perhaps they don’t sleep. And having the ‘shoulds’ of life on repeat in my head stops me dwelling in each moment I’m in and giving myself fully to what I’m doing at the time. Chores never end and they also interrupt creative work in a really frustrating way.
On this topic
wrote the most beautiful story a little while ago about the moments of magic and joy which are waiting to be discovered in the most ordinary tasks of life:
I found it really uplifting and have loved calling her words and thoughts to mind as I’m hanging the washing on the line or making dinner. As I was washing up last week I saw these splashes of water and was about to wipe them up when, with a shift in focus, I realised I was looking at the most beautiful reflections of the vase of sweet rocket by the sink – it just took a few extra seconds to see them.
As well as looking for the little joys in what might seem mundane at first sight, I’m also going to reintroduce a proper breathwork practice (breathwork is simply a breathing exercise). There are many of these I have found online, with different patterns of timings of inhale, exhale and pause, and I will come back to those one day as I learn more. But this week I'm not going to spend ages and ages googling the benefits of each type and trying to choose the right one, because that will likely lead to much scrolling and take hours. I'm just going to pick one and do it for five minutes every day. The one I’m choosing is ‘resonant’ breathing where you simply take about 5 or 6 breaths per minute and your inhale and exhale are the same lengths as each other with no pausing at either end – just a constant flow in and out. (There are apps and tracks on YouTube and Insight Timer for this if you’re interested – I find just a simple tone for inhale and a different one for exhale really helpful.)
And have I done my resonant breathing this morning?
No, I haven’t – because I was faffing about happily with small flowers and tiny vases in the kitchen.
It’s so easy to get distracted. But I will, I’ll do it just before I post this!
The other quieting and helpful thing I have let slip is some form of ‘mindfulness’. I'm not going to get too hung-up on a precise definition of mindfulness because I'm not sure that there is one but my own is:
to draw my senses from past reflection and future anxiety instead into the present time, and concentrate on what it feels like to be in my body in the moment I’m in.
I’m personally better with guided mindfulness practices where I’m listening to someone talk me through breathing rhythms and suggesting positive phrases for me to think about, rather than sitting in silence which usually allows my brain to race off to other places. It has taken a little while to find guided practices which resonate rightly with who I am – I have found some philosophies conflict with my faith and found some voices jarring but have now discovered a few where the narration is gentle and soothing and I’m comfortable relaxing into the practice properly. I like the companionship of someone’s voice alongside me and an occasional invitation to settle on a phrase which might help me that day, and have found in the past that doing this often has become a steadying influence on overthinking and anxiety.
Dwelling on words as simple as ‘I am capable’ for a few moments – especially when I don't feel capable and my inner monologue is reminding me of all the ways I have not been capable in the past – can be really helpful for challenging those less positive thoughts, and again it can take less than ten minutes in the day.
So it should be really easy to include those things in my mornings, right?
Actually the most fundamental things which help give a foothold for good morning habits begin for me the night before, with switching screens and lights off a bit earlier. Tiredness is sometimes unavoidable but also sometimes self-imposed. I’m also really affected by what I eat and believe nutrition plays a huge part in health. Sadly that belief doesn't stop me having too many crisps, too much toast, and come to think of it, also too many medjool dates, which kind of pretend to be healthier than they are.
I find it’s always easier to make positive changes with a bit of support – do let me know in the comments if there’s anything you feel would be a good thing to add into your routine, and how you are getting on with any good habits you are trying to form. What helps you stay with good habits and not let them slip?
I’m not sure how much people use chat – each month I have a thread so we can share any goals we’re working towards but I might need to investigate sharing via notes instead. I decided this month I would read a Mary Oliver poem each day and am loving her words.
And yes, I have finally spent five minutes on my breathing, just before I’m hitting publish!
Lou xx
Love that you're reading Mary Oliver each day, Lou! Poetry is such fuel for the soul, isn't it? I totally agree with slowing down and pacing yourself - thanks for the lovely mention too. Delighted to hear it encouraged you, we're all figuring it out together after all! ✨
This was such a beautiful read Lou, and thank you for the mention, I’m so pleased you enjoyed my little story 💛